Finally: at long last, I’ve found the perfect hotel rooms to experience (A) a total mental breakdown, and (B) a lengthy peaceful rehab.

And to save on travel time, they’re exactly the same room.

This schizophrenic suite is in the Au Vieux Panier hotel in Marseille, France. Each year, the hotel commissions artists, graphic designers, and painters to transform their five suites into unique works of art.

Few of us jump for joy when leap years roll around, but at least there are some tasty travel deals available over the week of Feb. 29 to help take the edge off an extra-long February. This week’s podium:

GOLD: Chicago is turning 175 this year, and to celebrate the upscale Affinia hotel is offering a special $175-a-night rate through June 30. This price is about 25 per cent less than regular rates, plus you get a gift tin of sinful Garret’s Popcorn, four ride vouchers for the Navy Pier theme park (pictured below), a $10 public transit card, and two complimentary cocktails at C-View, the high-rise hotel's rooftop bar and lounge. To book, use promo code “CELCHI.”

Steve Geer photo/istock

Travel improves you.

When you travel well, you’re not just excited by where you go, you get excited by the person you become. You’ll become more worldly, open-minded, more interesting, and infinitely more attractive (well, as long as you protect your looks with sunscreen and condoms).

Yet no matter how interesting we become on vacation, how come our actual identity papers (i.e. our luggage tags) are so boring?

Think about it: when was the last time you saw a stylish, beautiful, or amusing luggage tag? I’ve flown into dozens of airports and seen thousands and thousands of suitcases. But I can’t remember a single luggage tag that made me stop and think, ‘Wow, the owner of that suitcase must be a true individual who’s living a colorful, fascinating life.’

 I travel a lot because I’m a world-famous, globetrotting travel writer (Translation: “I’m on the run from loan sharks and their thumb-breaking debt collectors”).

So I book a ton of flights, using Travelocity and Expedia. But now that I’ve found Hipmunk, I never want to use either one again.

Founded two years ago in San Francisco, Hipmunk is an ingenious travel search site that “aims to take the agony out of travel planning.”

Here’s why Hipmunk is better than Travelocity and Expedia:

The dreary winter weekend is something to be dreaded in Canada. And with three kids ranging in age from 11 to six, we can exhaust the family-friendly activities pretty quickly. Which means we are often cooped up with my husband running around yelling about the mess, and the kids blissing out on video games.

This is why we usually make a winter trip to Great Wolf Lodge to refresh and recharge. You may be asking: A water park to recharge?

AP Photo/Charles Krupa

Want a fun way to spend St. Patrick’s Day on Saturday March 17th? Head to Boston for a rare Original Six hockey game.

Outside of Ireland herself, there’s no better place than Boston to celebrate the life of the great Irish apostle, plus the inventions of green beer, the Shamrock Shake, and novelty green sunglasses.

Stretch your Boston trip into a 4-day bender, and you can watch the Maple Leafs play the Stanley Cup Champion Boston Bruins. Game time: 7 pm EST on Monday March 19th at Boston’s TD Garden.

If you couldn’t get your act together for Family Day (or if you live in those parts of Canada that didn’t get a Family Day break at all), this week’s podium features three bargains with the brood in mind:

GOLD: Big White near Kelowna, B.C. (pictured below) prides itself on being a family friendly ski resort, and a new special from WestJet Airlines makes it much cheaper for the whole family to get there. Until Feb. 29, packages that include airfare, airport shuttle transfers, five nights of resort accommodation and four full days of skiing start at $554 out of Calgary, $742 out of Toronto and top out at $864 from London and Hamilton. How cheap is this? These prices are about the same as return flights to Kelowna alone — so you’re getting a ski holiday for free, more or less. To book, visit bigwhite.com or call 1-800-663-2772.

Photo: Jacques Boissinot/CP

 KLM's new Facebook promo

When it comes to offbeat Web promos, KLM is miles ahead of its competition. The Dutch airline has  embraced social media so warmly, they're like those otters holding hands.

KLM has already created Web games for older passengers, and painted their airplane exterior with faces of their Facebook fans [which made the plane look like it mowed down thousands of people in a horrible hit-and-run].

Now, some of KLM’s promotions are creepy, like their plan to let you pick your own seatmate, or when they trolled their passengers’ Facebook profiles to find out why they were flying to a city. KLM then used that info to hand a personalized gift bag to the passenger when they arrived at the airport. Um, thank you for stalking me?

 Is this dog worried about flying Delta?  

Here’s a sobering government statistic (if you’re currently drunk):

According to the US federal government, more pets died on Delta flights last year than on any other US airline. The Department of Transportation says more than two million pets travel by air each year in the USA. And of the 35 pets that died on planes in 2011, a whopping 19 of those pet deaths occurred on Delta flights.

Since there are literally dozens of US airlines, 19 out of 35 fatalities is a pretty, um, impressive record for one airline. Worse yet: Delta's death count has gone up from 16 pet deaths last year. If Delta were in the business of killing pets, then apparently business was good.

Here’s a cunningly simple three-step plan for nabbing travel freebies:

Step 1: Become famous movie star

Step 2: Wrangle invite to present an Oscar at the Academy Awards and/or get nominated for one…and proceed to lose

Step 3: Lug gift bag home

Yes, in addition to pricey electronic gadgets, espresso machines and Tiffany crystal-studded cat collars, the gift bags offered to Oscar presenters and nominees (who don’t win) are jammed with lavish trips.

On Feb. 26 this year, for instance, Canada’s own Rocky Mountaineer luxury rail service is giving away four-day, three-night “Classic First Passage to the West” vacations as part of the “Secret Room Events Red Carpet Style Lounge Nominee Gift Bag” (try saying that three times fast).

The Vancouver-to-Banff trips start at $1,249 a person, and feature a custom-designed dome coach (pictured below) offering panoramic views of the Canadian Rockies, along with a private dining car and upscale hotel stays in Vancouver and Banff.