I admit it: I’m a hoarder…of hotel bath products.

I know I’m not alone. According to a 2010 Travelocity survey, 86 per cent of U.S. hotel guests admitted to taking toiletries. (Three per cent took things a step further by pilfering bathrobes and slippers, which I do not endorse, with 1 per cent snatching room-service dishes, cutlery and — believe it or not — bibles.)

Angela, my wife, is also my partner in “crime” in these raids, although she is much more selective when it comes to bath products. I will slather just about anything a hotel hands out on my hair and skin, given that it’s got to be better than the industrial tubs of goo offered at the gym.

Despite my (ahem) "frequent" use of these wee bottles after short squash games and long saunas, they still pile up at an alarming rate. I take the phosphate-free ones on camping and cottage-country trips — and then put them in the blue bin at home, of course — but my hoarding tendencies and travel-writing job have conspired to produce what I call the Miniature Amenities Storage Shelf (MASS, pictured below), which is now overflowing with oatmeal scrubs and lavender-scented two-in-ones.

The horror...the horror...

Why is it that airlines, hotels and other travel-industry players get so giddy on April Fools’ Day? It could be a case of pent-up silliness after 364 days of sternly telling folks to turn off their cell phones or turn down the tunes after 11 p.m. I can’t wait to see what gets cooked up this Sunday — stay tuned to find out — as the last few years have seen some truly hilarious April 1 announcements. Here are seven of my favourites: 

1. The gag: In 2008, Virgin Blue unveils half-price “No Chair Fares” for airline passengers who buy standing-room-only seats. More than 1,000 people apparently try to book following a series of TV and radio promos — showing just how desperate we are for cheap flights.

The giveaway: Fares include complimentary calf massages on flights of more than two hours. Something complimentary on a flight? Come on… 

2. The gag: Fancy an in-flight mojito? Virgin Atlantic in 2011 announces plans to grow fresh herbs and vegetables in a specifically designed patch (pictured below) in the galley of all aircraft for Upper Class passengers.

The giveaway: We’ve all been inside a 747’s tiny galley (while waiting for the restroom). Are they planting veggies in the loo?

 All that protein makes zombies sleepy       Photo by Paul Brown / Rex Features

Man, I must have zombies on my brain.

Recently I wrote about an offbeat 5K race where you run for your life while chased by snarling, bloodthirsty zombies. 

Last week I wrote about Zombie Shopping Mall in the U.K., a.k.a. the Greatest Idea in the Entire History of British Tourism. For a limited time only, an English adventure company is hosting run-and-gun zombie killing sprees in an abandoned shopping mall.

And today I’m excited about this fantastic ‘Zombie Sleep Mask’ that a buddy found on BoingBoing:

Will Spirit Airlines be voted the Worst Company in America?   Photo: AP/Lynne Sladky

You've heard of March madness, the annual US college basketball tournament.

Now an online consumer advocacy magazine, The Consumerist, has created its own March madness but with a fresh twist. They've listed the 32 worst companies in America and are pitting them against each other in a basketball-style tournament.

Two airlines made the list. And in a surprise upset, underdog newcomer Spirit Airlines (a budget airline out of Miramar, Florida) made the 'Sweet 16' of the tournament by defeating veteran contender Delta Air Lines. This was a HUGE achievement, especially since Delta is the reigning Pet Death Champion of America.

We’re now into the “lamb” portion of the month that supposedly comes in like a lion, although in eastern Canada the lion was really more of a toucan or iguana this year. Zoological metaphors aside, the balmy weather across much of the country may have you mulling a northerly jaunt for your next trip — and this week’s podium can help: 

 GOLD: Call it a seniors’ discount that’s a bargain for anyone. Starwood Hotels & Resorts is offering “Celebrate your birth year” discounts at 17 upscale properties across North America, including the Westin Resort & Spa at Quebec’s Mont Tremblant resort, Boston’s Liberty Hotel — a former jailhouse, pictured below — and both W Hotels in Chicago. Pay regular rates for your first night, and second and third nights cost $46 for guests born in 1946, $73 for those born in 1973…you get the gist. Depending on the hotel and your age, this can add up to hundreds of dollars in savings. Valid ID is required at check-in — I do not endorse fake ID, elaborate makeup and a grey wig — with certain more luxurious options tacking $100 on to the birth-year price. Use promotion code “NBR” to book.

Want a kooky three-wheeled car for your next roadtrip/picnic?

In 2012, Peel Engineering, "home of the World's Smallest Car," is releasing two tiny, hand-built, retro-looking cars. These shiny new microcars are perfect for anglophiles, environmentalists, hitchhiker-haters, Mr. Bean's runty illegitimate son, attention-starved hipsters, anti-social dwarves, those annoying guys who ride unicycles, or if you're the last man on Earth like Charlton Heston in The Omega Man.

Enraged by hidden baggage fees? Want to know what your flight really costs before you’re forced to pay $20 or more to check your luggage?

Now there’s an app for that.

Farelogix has launched a smartphone app called IFlyBags. It lets you calculate baggage fees from 325 airlines around the world, based on the class of service and your frequent flyer status.

 For $0.99 USD, you can buy the app on iTunes and download to your mobile phone. Yep, you read that correctly: you pay a fee to find out how many fees you’ll be charged. God bless, capitalism. Also: this is an introductory fee to get you hooked. Its eventual price will be twice as much.

As soon as budget-busting March Break is over, prices on spring ski vacations, charter flights and resort stays suddenly take a nosedive. Coincidence? I think not. In fact, the next few weeks offer some of the best travel deals of the year. This week’s podium:

GOLD: Eastern Canada may be caught in a freakish warm spell, but there’s still plenty of snow at western ski resorts. Whistler, for example, has received nearly five feet of the white stuff over the past week (pictured below), and enjoywhistler.com is kicking off a 72-hour sale today with discounts of as much as 60 per cent at six different hotels. The four-star, boutique-style Summit Lodge & Spa, for example, starts at $96 per night, the slopeside Westin Whistler Resort & Spa starts at $137, and venerable Blackcomb Lodge costs as little as $84.

If you love zombie TV shows and films like THE WALKING DEAD and SHAUN OF THE DEAD, this vacation is for you... 

Now you can kill zombies in an abandoned UK shopping mall. 

An adventure company called Wish.co.uk is offering an adrenalin-fuelled experience called Zombie Shopping Mall. Usually the company sells once-in-a-lifetime experiences like skydiving, adopting a dolphin, riding a hovercraft, or driving a Ferrari.

Those sound fun, but I predict their zombie mall massacre will top them all.

 Panic attack in Airplane!     Image: Paramount Pictures

Whoa, been a lot of sky freakouts lately.

Last week, I mentioned a flight attendant in Dallas who started freaking out before takeoff.

The unnamed woman, who'd apparently gone off her meds, grabbed the PA mic and started yelling that the plane was going to crash. Which, you know, tends to disturb other passengers at 9 a.m.