Do you have what it takes to be a rouge flight attendant?
I admit it: I have been terrible at several jobs.
While working as a carnival ride attendant at Lake Ontario Park in Kingston, Ont., I once over-waxed the "Alpine Slide," causing the unwitting riders to spill out of their potato sacks and nearly crash into the Tilt-O-Whirl.One night while manning the Manhattan Fries in Kingston's Cataraqui Town Centre -- it was sort of like McDowell's in Coming to America -- I inadvertently caused a small lake of oil to leak out of the fryer. Did you know that cat litter soaks up vegetable oil? Well, now you do.
And once, while working as a waiter for a high-end catering company in the U.K., I suavely prevented a bottle of champagne from overflowing ... with my mouth. (It works for beer bottles, right?)
These (and several other) missteps took place long ago (but not that long), and I have since found my calling in the print media business. But the print media biz is not exactly thriving at present, which has me weighing my options.
That's why Air Canada's recently launched recruitment campaign for its new "rouge" subsidiary caught my eye. Rouge aims to hire 150 Greater Toronto Area-based flight attendants in time for the launch of its service to Europe and the Caribbean this summer. According to aircanadarouge.com, the airline is looking for people "who love two things: travel, and other people (especially kids!)."
As a Tripified blogger and father of two who only rarely screams profanities on the subway, I'm two-for-two so far. And it gets better: Rouge also wants flight attendants who "are passionate about leisure travel" and "have the desire to travel to exotic destinations in Europe and the Caribbean, alongside like-minded coworkers and customers, who may soon become friends."
Leisure travel to exotic destinations? 246 potential friends 32,000 feet above the Atlantic? Where do I sign?
Before you jump ahead of me in the electronic application queue, however, I think it's only fair to explore the job's drawbacks.
The "minimum requirements" pose few problems. At least 18 years old? Check. High school graduation diploma or equivalent? Check. Able to arrive at Pearson International Airport within 90 minutes of being contacted? Check, so long as it's not after 5 a.m. or before midnight.
But things start getting dicey when it comes to "other valued skills and experience and traits." How would I reconcile my passion for leisure travel with the ability to "work a flexible work schedule, including weekends and holidays"? Am I comfortable "working in a technology-driven industry"? Did I mention I work in print media?
"Welcoming customers and engaging with them throughout the flight to create a comfortable, friendly environment," for example, would be no problem, so long as there are plenty of those little airplane bottles around.
But assisting with "the sale of duty-free items and onboard products"? How could I, in good conscience, sell someone a tiny tin of Pringles for $3? What, are we at a Leafs game?
And that Swarovski Pen With Hello Kitty Pink Bow (pictured at left) that goes for $44 on some flights? Why, just the other day I saw the exact same Swarovski Pen With Hello Kitty Pink Bow at my local dollar store for $4.
Oh, and I just noticed that "good mental health" is one of the job's "minimum requirements."
Did I mention I work in print media?
-- Adam Bisby
Read all of Adam’s Tripified posts here.