By the year 2023, my eldest daughter will be wrapping up her PhD (at age 16), my youngest will have just turned pro in the WTA, and the time will be right for an early retirement. On Mars.

It's sandy, scenic, quiet, and with some work could easily support a lively sports bar and comfortable coffee house. There's no denying it's the ultimate exotic travel destination, which is why I'm poised to sign on with Mars One, which began accepting online astronaut applications Monday.

The non-profit foundation, led by Dutch entrepreneur Bas Lansdorp, aims to send humans on a one-way trip to establish a permanent settlement (rendered below) on the Red Planet. Lift-off isn't slated for another 10 years, giving me plenty of time to pack, take part in the Leafs' Stanley Cup parade, and convince my wife to come along. Even if I can't persuade Angela to join me on the pioneering flight -- I'm sure Mars gets Grey's Anatomy, honey -- Lansdorp et al will undoubtedly agree to ship my family and friends over ASAP.

"If you give back, you'll get back."

That, in a nutshell, is the message Céline Cousteau aims to convey through her marine conservation partnership with Contiki Tours.

The international tour operator, which caters to 18- to 35-year-olds, is one of the founders of TreadRight, a not-for-profit group that oversees various sustainable tourism projects and fosters the preservation of popular tourist sites such as the Giant's Causeway in Northern Ireland and the Grand Canyon. You may recognize Cousteau's last name -- she's the granddaughter of legendary French oceanographer Jacques Cousteau -- but she's also an accomplished environmental activist in her own right, having founded, among other projects, CauseCentric Productions, a non-profit that aims to help other organizations communicate their messages through film.

"With the experiences I have," Cousteau, 39, explains -- visiting remote tribes in the Amazon rainforest (pictured above), diving with manatees and humpback whales, the list goes on -- "I play a role in helping Contiki tell the story they want to tell. They have the means" -- thousands of young, energetic, eco-minded customers, as well as access to funding -- "and I have the content."

I had a chance to chat with Cousteau about sustainable tourism leading up to her speaking engagement at last weekend's Green Living Show in Toronto:

Seeking a celestial hotel?

This Chilean hotel has an observatory -- and private, open-ceiling domes -- for you to galaxy-gaze at the night sky.

Established in 2005 in the wine country of Pisco Elqui, Chile, the Hotel Elqui Domos features seven geodesic dome rooms that can fit up to four people. Each dome has a detachable roof over a double bed, a living room, private deck, and bathroom so you won't need to pee in the bushes by the light of a full moon, solar flare, or meteor shower.

You can also stay in one of four observatory cabins. These wood cabins feature three levels, double bed, skylight, and a private deck. How astronomically cool is that? It's like you're camping under the stars in the countryside, except instead of bumpy cowboy dirt, you're laying on a soft, warm bed with mega-thread count sheets.

Found a great study about women and men at airports. Researchers discovered women are nearly six times more likely to think that finding an airport power outlet for their laptop or phone is more important than finding an attractive, potential mate.

Now, I have no idea why a woman would try to pick up a guy at an airport. HE’S JUST GOING TO LEAVE YOU.

But it raises an excellent question:

Why are there so few airport electrical outlets? Does the airport need ALL their electricity to make Tim Horton’s coffee taste like under-boiled monkey butt?

She can sneak a hammer through security but she can't find an airport outlet

Pipe down, punters!

Premier Inn, a UK hotel chain, is installing noise-activated alarms in the hallways of over 600 of their budget hotels in the UK and Ireland.

According to The Daily Mail, the alarms work much like speed cameras. When guests talk / yell / beat each other too loudly, the unit flashes a warning at the hooligans. Which sounds a lot like the emergency light that prison wardens flash at rioting inmates. The only difference here is that Premier Inn offers arguably tastier mess hall breakfasts.

Remember in 2009 when a U.S. Airways passenger jet crash-landed into the Hudson River off of midtown Manhattan? You'd definitely remember if you were on that flight.

The captain, Capt. "Sully" Sullenberger, had to down the jet soon after it slammed into a flock of Canadian geese. Both of Sully's engines failed. So he had to belly flop the plane on the river. No word on the total number of bird fatalities but fortunately all 155 crew and passengers survived.

Sure, the airline could blame Canada. But instead, airports point their fingers at the feathered terrorists (both domestic and foreign) for causing dangerous 'bird strikes', also known as 'BASH', which is short for Bird Aircraft Strike Hazard.

Birds swarm Pope Benedict's plane (they almost killed Benny!) AP Photo/Gero Breloer 2011

Bird strikes are serious business, and not just for the poor birds. A 2001 joint U.S./Canadian study found that the annual cost of bird strikes to worldwide commercial aviation is $1.28 billion (USD) in damages and flight delays. That's a lot of ruffled feathers.

Airports use a variety of methods to scare birds away from flight paths. At my local airport, YVR in Vancouver, the wildlife technicians drive off and harass between 800,000 and a million birds each year. They also use dogs and falcons to spook the birds. Here's a video that explains how they do it.

Now South Korean engineers are scaring birds with Laser Robot Scarecrow Tanks. That's right: Laser Robot Scarecrow Tanks. Man, even just thinking a phrase like that strikes terror in my heart, and I'm not even one of their targets.

At last! A suitcase that follows you like a little lamb.

It's called the Hop! suitcase and it's powered by a Bluetooth, remote-control, techno-whizbang signal.

How it works:

Aim your smartphone at the suitcase, then start walking away. Your suitcase gets scared it'll be left behind, so it starts hopping after you to catch up. It looks a little like R2-D2. But instead of wheels or bunny feet, it rumbles along on caterpillar treads like a tiny tank.

If you only fly first class, I have alarming news for you: it's much safer to sit in the back of a plane. You first class passengers are literally paying more for a front row seat TO YOUR OWN DEATH.

That's according to a recent crash study done in a remote and unpopulated corner of Mexico's Baja California. On Friday, a team of experts (I presume) deliberately crashed a 170-passenger jet, nose-first, into the Sonoran Desert. The test was filmed by a UK production company, Dragonfly Film and Television Productions, and will be broadcast later this year as a feature-length doc on Channel 4 in the UK and Discovery Channel in the USA.

Artist's rendering of crashing jet. The artist was hovering in mid-air, like a bird or a god.

A spokesperson for Dragonfly said there were "300 people on location, including the production team, pilots, experts, risk management, plus local crew, military, fire teams and police."

The goal of this $1.5 million project was to test safety equipment by recreating a survivable commercial jet crash to see who would live -- and who would die. Oh, and if you're wondering, they didn't use actual passengers. Yes, they may be cynical TV types but they're not MONSTERS. Instead, the plane was filled with crash test dummies, video cameras, and lots of scientific machines that go "Ping!" They also shot footage from the ejecting pilot’s helmet. Here's a short ABC News segment on the unusual crash.

Here's some strange and foreboding travel news:

If you’re trying to sneak into America, beware. U.S. Customs and Border Protection is now using a virtual border guard to keep Mexicans from illegally migrating to America. He has wicked hair.

And unlike fallible human customs agents, this robot knows when you are lying.

Well here's an interesting/creepy use of the Internet.

British Airways is searching the Internet for photos of their passengers' faces. 

If you're asking yourself 'Um, whyyyy?', the airline claims it's a 'customer service' initiative so they can greet you personally at the gate. Apparently they want to be the bar on Cheers where everyone shouts 'Norm!" when he walks in.

According to TIME and ABC News, British Airways is giving iPads to its agents and instructing them to surf the web for their passenger photos, flight history, and preferences, so they can create dossiers on each passenger. Launched earlier this month, this operation is called the 'Know Me' program. Of course, British Airways is starting the program by searching for info on their well-heeled VIP passengers which they lovingly describe as "captains of industry."